Joke of the day

The Salesmen At A Luxury Store Treated Him Terribly Because Of His Clothes. But How He Reacted Is Perfect.

I'm in Woodfield and made my mind up that I'm going to buy a luxury watch (finally). So I walk into a VERY high end watch dealer to buy one. I'm an easy sell, I already know what I want. The MOMENT I walk into the store, the gentleman sees me and has "eyes" with the other salesman and customer that are in store. I'm wearing a cutoff shirt, shorts, tattoos and I'm "young".

The THREE salesman and ONE customer are in business suits or better. The salesman says "I'm afraid we're available by appointment only, I'm going to have to ask you to leave". HE DIDN'T EVEN ASK ME TO BOOK AN APPOINTMENT. Just to leave. There are three sales people??

I pull out my business card and hand it to him. I direct his eyes to where it says GENERAL MANAGER OF **** And I politely tell him: "okay! I'm going to go buy my $3,000 watch online now. Have a great day."

TWO OF THE SALES PEOPLE LITERALLY CHASED ME OUTTO MY CARTO COME BACK IN AND BUY. Like... BYEEEE

Sorry that not everyone walks around in tuxedos? And I KNOW you would have made at least 10% commission on that sale.

Tags: salesman , man , men

This Old Lady Puts Young Cashier In His Place After He Says This At The Register.

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the much older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this 'green thing' back in my earlier days."

The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."

She was right — our generation didn't have the 'green thing' in our day.Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over.

So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.

Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our schoolbooks.This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags.

But too bad we didn't do the "green thing" back then.

We walked up stairs because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.

But she was right. We didn't have the "green thing" in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throwaway kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts — wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

But that young lady is right; we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house — not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana.

In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us.

When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

But she's right; we didn't have the "green thing" back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But we didn't have the "green thing" back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service in the family's $45,000 SUV or van, which cost what a whole house did before the "green thing." We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the "green thing" back then?

Tags: old man , lady , young , cashier

A Man Called A Locksmith Because He Couldn’t Get In His Car, But Was Stunned When He Said This.

I'll preface this by saying I'm usually not a stupid man but I was at the end of my third 16 hour shift in a row and I was very tired. I'll make this quick:

I got off work, went out to my car, hit the button for the doors on my remote unlocker - as usual. Nothing happened. I tried it a few more times, battery must be dead. I stand there for 10 minutes, mashing the little button, hoping for enough juice to open the doors. Nada.

I call a locksmith, explain that I'm locked out of my car. He says he'll be right over. 20 minutes later he arrives. He walks up with his tools, inserts a thing that looks like a blood pressure cuff in the doorjamb. He starts making conversation as it inflates, pushing the door open:

'So locked your keys in the car? No problem sir, I'll have it open in a minute.'

'No, my keys are right here, my key fob is dead.' I replied.

He stops and for about 10 seconds. Doesn't say a word. He sees my keys in my hands. Takes them from me, inserts them in the lock and opens the door.

I was mortified. I was so in a habit of opening the doors with my remote fob that I entirely forgot that keys could be used to unlock cars manually. He started laughing so hard I thought he was going to have an aneurysm. After he stopped laughing, he told me there was no charge. The story he'd have to tell was worth the drive out.

Tags: man , stupid , car , locksmith

Old Lady Puts Young Cashier In His Place After He Says This At The Register.

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the much older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this 'green thing' back in my earlier days."

The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."

She was right — our generation didn't have the 'green thing' in our day.Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over.

So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.

Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our schoolbooks.This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags.

But too bad we didn't do the "green thing" back then.

Tags: woman , lady , green thing

A university student wanted to sit next to his professor at break time. But the Professor never expects this

A university student wanted to sit next to his professor at break time.

However, the teacher regarded the student with a haughty face and said:

“A dove should not be friends with a donkey.”

“Then I shall fly on” the student replied with a cheeky smile.

The teacher was clearly annoyed by the cheeky reply and decided to make sure to do everything in his power to fail the student in his exams.

In the oral exam, he gave the student the hardest questions, but the student had incredible answers for everything. Therefore, hoping he could still fail his victim, the teacher asked him a trickier question:

“You're walking on a road and you find two bags. One contains gold, the other cleverness. Which bag do you choose?”

“The gold.”

“I don't agree. I would choose cleverness, because that's more important than money.”

“Everyone would choose what they don't have” says the student.

The teacher turns red, and he is so outraged he writes "ass" on the student's paper. The student leaves without looking at the paper. However, he returns shortly, gives back his paper and says:

“Excuse me sir, you did sign my paper, but you forgot to give my grade!”

Man is walking through park. He sees a girl in a wheelchair crying. But never expect this!

Man is walking through park. He sees a girl in a wheelchair crying.

"What's wrong?" man asks.

"Never been kissed before" girl says.

Man kisses her and she goes home happy.

Next day man walking through same park. Sees girl in wheelchair again crying.

"What's wrong?" man asks.

"Never been wined and dined before" girl says.

So man takes her out for a beautiful meal, gets her drunk and wheels her off home.

Again man walks through park following day. Girl still in wheelchair crying. "What's wrong?" Asks man.

"Never been f**ked before" says girl.

So man picks up girl and throws her in the river and says...

"Well you're f**ked now"

Tags: man , girl

This man asked the waiter scrumptious-looking platter being served at the next table And Never Expected This

A young man stopped at a local restaurant after a day of roaming around in Spain

While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious-looking platter being served at the next table.

It looked good.

It smelled good.

He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"

The visitor, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the heck, I'm on holiday down here! Bring me an order!"

The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"

The next morning, the man returned, placed his order, and then that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.

After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull he wins."

Tags: man , Spain , waiter

This Old Man Had The Best Response After A Young Child Embarrassed His Mother.

My three-year-oId son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.

While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course, I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Matty had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him and he said, "No."

I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I didn't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Matty, are you sure you did not have an accident?"

"No," he replied.

I just knew that he must have, because the smell was getting worse. Sooooo... I asked one more time, "Matty, did you have an accident?"

Matt jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE,

MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!!"

While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened. I was mortified!

Some kind people made me feel a lot better, when they came over and thanked me for the best laugh they had ever had!!!

Another old gentleman stopped us in the parking lot as we were leaving, bent over to my son and said, "Don't worry son, my wife accuses me of the same thing all the time... I just never had the nerve to make the point like you did."

Tags: old man , kids , mother , son

This Elderly Man Wrote This Letter To His Son, But Didn’t Expect This In Return

An old Italian man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincenzo, who used to help him, was in prison.The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Vincenzo,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I am getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the garden for me.

Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son. Dear Papa,

I'd do anything for you, Papa, except dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.

Love, Vinnie

At 4 am the next morning, FBI and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.They apologized to the old man and left. The same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Papa,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love, Vinnie

Tags: man , son , old man

The Woman Was Opening Letters Of Complaints From Her Tenants. But She Couldn't Stop Laughing When She Read This.

Complaints to Councils - Extracts from letters written by council tenants:

1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.

11 .The next door neighbour has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny and not fit to drink.

14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

18. I am a single woman living in about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife..

20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

21 .This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.