Cashier jokes

This Cashier Has The Best Response After A Customer Gets On The 'Express Lane' With Too Many Items.

Best moment I ever had in a Wal-Mart.

I was in Colorado Springs. I had a loaf of bread, a gallon of milk and a couple of other things.

This woman whose cart was overflowing, almost runs me over to get in front of me at the 10 items line.

The woman starts to unload her cart onto the checkout stand and the cashier says,'Which ten items would you like, ma'am?"

The woman stops and says, "What?"

The cashier responds in a calm, patient tone,

"This is a ten items or less express line."

While speaking she holds up both hands showing all ten fingers. Then she pointed to the sign above the lane which read Ten Items or Less in both English and Spanish.

The woman gets all red in the face and says, "I want all of this!"

The cashier, "Ma'am, I'm sorry. As I said, this is a ten items or less line, please choose the ten items you'd like to purchase today."

The woman at this point lets out this noise that sounds like someone poked one of those screaming goats and shoved her still overflowing cart as hard as she could. It almost hit this little old man sitting on a bench. Then she gave all of us who were laughing at her the finger, said "F*ck you!"and stormed out.

I purchased my items and tipped the cashier a $20 for the best improv comedy moment I'd seen in years.

Tags: cashier , customer

This Old Lady Puts Young Cashier In His Place After He Says This At The Register.

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the much older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this 'green thing' back in my earlier days."

The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."

She was right — our generation didn't have the 'green thing' in our day.Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over.

So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.

Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our schoolbooks.This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags.

But too bad we didn't do the "green thing" back then.

We walked up stairs because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.

But she was right. We didn't have the "green thing" in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throwaway kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts — wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

But that young lady is right; we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house — not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana.

In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us.

When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

But she's right; we didn't have the "green thing" back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But we didn't have the "green thing" back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service in the family's $45,000 SUV or van, which cost what a whole house did before the "green thing." We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the "green thing" back then?

Tags: old man , lady , young , cashier

Cashier Heard This Woman Fart. But She Never Expected Him To Say This

A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's Birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark Glasses.

She says to him, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this Rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes."

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway......

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all-around combination, and it's on sale. This week for only $20.00."

She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!". As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

"Oh, that Sounds like a Master Card," he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes......there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was her who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around?

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please." The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel was on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"

He replies, "Yes, ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call Is $11.00, and the Catfish Bait is $3.50."

She paid it and left without saying a word.

Tags: cashier , woman

This Drunk Teen Stumbled Into A Store And Got On Everyone’s Nerves. The Way The Huge Cashier Handled It Was Genius

(I'm standing in line at the counter, when an obviously drunk and under-aged boy wanders in. The cashier behind the counter is onto him like a shot.)

Cashier:"Excuse me there, champ. Have you got some ID on you?"

Drunk teen: "No, I don't. Why?"

Cashier: "I'm going to have to ask you to leave my shop then, champ. Right now, please."

Drunk teen: "What, just because I have no ID?"

Cashier:"Among other things, yes. You can't prove you're 18, and you're clearly drunk, which means you're not legally allowed to be in this store. Please don't be difficult; just leave."

(The drunk teen makes his way to the exit peacefully, but once past the front door decides to act up.)

Drunk teen: "Well, f*** you! F*** you and get f***ed! I'll f***ing be here if I want to f***ing be here!"*flips both middle fingers at the cashier*

(The cashier, who is far taller and broader than he appears while he's behind the counter, moves into the doorway to prevent the teen re-entering.)

Cashier: *very calmly* "No, you won't. Now you're becoming both an annoyance and a disturbance. You'd better get out of here quick smart, before something happens that you'll regret later."

Drunk teen: "F*** you! I'm gonna bash you man! I'm gonna beat your face!"

Cashier: *cracks up laughing*"Champ, I doubt you could even beat yourself off at this point." *takes a step outside the shop* "Please though, take a swing. Give me the excuse."

(At this point it apparently dawns on the teen that's he's in way over his head and his attempt at intimidation has failed miserably. The cashier seems quite willing to make an example of him.)

Drunk teen: "Uh... uh... I'm... I'm gonna hurt you man!"

Cashier: *icily, dangerously calm* "No. You're going to apologise to the customers for annoying them, you're going to apologise to me for annoying me, and then you're going to leave, very quickly, before I put my size 14s so far up your arse your kids are born with tread-marks on their faces, so help me God."

(The drunk teen starts to stammer out something, but is interrupted.)

Cashier: *in a very convincing and menacing voice* "Get the f*** out of here. Now!"

(The teen flees at his top speed, bumping into and tripping over everything in his path. We all give the cashier a huge round of applause, and an elderly couple high-fived him!)

Tags: drunk , teen , cashier , customer

He Was Forced To Deal With A Prejudiced Customer. But Then This Happened

(I'm a cashier at a newly opened gas station. It is the first of its chain in the area. As such, many of the customers are asking questions about the store. Since we're new, I'm trying my best to be extra friendly and helpful to everyone. An old woman approaches me with several items. She looks rather concerned.)

Customer:"So...are you a gas station or a grocery store?"

Me: "Both, ma'am. We're all about convenience."

Customer: "And what sorts of customers come here?"

Me: "Well, we've just opened, ma'am, so its hard to say at this point."

Customer: "I don't want to shop at a store for God-hating homosexuals."

Me: "Come again?"

Customer: "You heard me!"

(I do my best to maintain a neutral stance and begin scanning her items as quickly as possible.)

Me: "Ma'am, by policy we can't turn away customers."

(She gives me a strange look and her eyes widen.)

Customer: "You're one of them aren't you!?"

Me: "Pardon?"

Customer: "You're a f*****!"

Me: "I'm not, actually, but it is my job to serve any customer that comes to my register."

Customer: "I will never come here again! May God have mercy on your sinful soul!"

(I stand there for a few moments absolutely dumbstruck. Meanwhile, two older gentlemen in matching lavender shirts come up to my register and drop a $50 bill in my tip jar while only purchasing a single gallon of milk. One of them grins and looks me in the eye.)

Older gentleman: "Doesn't matter if you're on 'our team'or not. We're coming here every day from now on."

Tags: cashier , customer

The Cashier Saw A Little Girl Ask Her Mom About The Older Man In The Store. But What Happened Next Is Simply Priceless.

(I am working as a cashier at a bookstore two weeks before Christmas. The customer I am helping is an older, portly man with a white beard and hair. He's wearing jeans with a red sweater and white suspenders. He even has on red sneakers. There's no getting around it: he looks like Santa on his day off. As I'm checking out his purchases, I notice that behind him in line there is a little girl tugging her mother's pant leg and whispering furiously to her. I finished helping the older man with his purchases and wish him a happy holiday, then turn to the mother and daughter to help them with theirs.

As the mother sets her books down on the counter, she turns to her daughter.)

Mother: "It's okay, honey. You can go ask him."

(The little girl approaches the man as he and his wife are preparing to leave, and taps on his leg to get his attention. He turns and looks at her.)

Customer: "Yes, dear?"

Little Girl: "Excuse me, sir..."*she looks back at her mother shyly, who encourages her, then turns back, whispering*"...are you Santa?"

Customer: *smiling and whispering back*"Yes, I am."

Little Girl: "Really?"

(The customer beckons his wife over, who approaches with a smile and reaches into her purse, handing him something, which he then presents to the little girl: a candy cane. This seems to convince her, and she and "Santa" chat for a little bit while his wife talks to her mother and me.)

Customer's Wife: "All the kids ask him that, and he loves how happy it makes them when he says yes. That's when he got the idea to carry around the candy canes and dress in red. This is his favorite time of year."

("Santa" and his new friend finish their conversation and join the rest of us at the counter as I am finishing ringing up the little girl's mother.)

Me: *to "Santa"* "You're awesome."

(I got a candy cane, too! Merry Christmas!)