Couple jokes

This Couple Asked The Pharmacist Too Many Questions And He Answered All. But He Was Not Prepared For This

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, decide to get married.

They go into a Walgreens and Jacob asks the pharmacist a few questions.

Jacob: Were about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?

Pharmacist: Of course we do.

Jacob: How about medicine for circulation?

Pharmacist: All kinds.

Jacob: Medicine for rheumatism and scoliosis? Pharmacist: Definitely.

Jacob: How about Viagra?

Pharmacist: Of course.

Jacob: Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?

Pharmacist: Yes, a large variety. The works.

Jacob: What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinsons disease?

Pharmacist: Absolutely.

Jacob: You sell wheelchairs and walkers?

Pharmacist: All speeds and sizes. Why do you ask?

Jacob: We would like to use this store as our Bridal Registry.

This Couple Was On Their Way To Their Wedding. But They Were Shocked When This Happened

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him.

St. Peter said, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,' and he leaves.

The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple are still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven. After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled.

'Yes,' he informs the couple, 'you can get married in Heaven.'

'Great!' said the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out?

Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?'

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. 'What's wrong?' asked the frightened couple.

'OH, COME ON!', St. Peter shouted, 'It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer ?

Tags: couple , marriage , wedding

They Were Happily Married For Sixty Years. But She Never Thought He'd Blame Her For This In The Very End

The couple were 85 years old and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.

Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.

They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside.

He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favourite clothes in the closet.

They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'

The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

'Why, nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'

The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.

'What are the greens fees?,' grumbled the old man.

'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages.

'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.

'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?,' he asked.

That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick.This is Heaven!'

The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?'

'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.

'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'

'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'

The old man glared at his wife and said, 'You and your bran Flakes. We could have been here ten years ago!

Tags: couple , husband , wife

Husband And Wife Are Waiting At The Bus Stop With Their Nine Children. A blind Man Joins Them After A Few Minutes, They Never Expect This

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop...

....with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes.

When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."

The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus. so shut the fuck up."

--- reddit ---

Tags: couple , husband , wife , man , blind

A Old Couple Were Having Problems Remembering Things, So They Decided To The Go The Doctor For A Checkup. What Happend Next Is Hilarious

A couple in their 80's were having problems remembering things, so they decided to the go the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they are physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. His wife asks, "Where are you going?" "To the kitchen for a drink," he replies. She asks, " Will you get me piece of cake?" The husband says, "Sure." She gently reminds him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you don't forget it?" He says, "No, I can certainly remember that!"

Then the woman says, "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top. You'd better write it down because I know you'll forget it." The man replies, "I can remember that! You want some cake with strawberries."

She adds, "I'd also like whipped cream on top. Now I'm certain you're gonna forget that, so you'd better write it down ok." Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down woman! I can remember that! Cake with strawberries! And whipped cream!" He then grumbles into the kitchen. After about 30 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "Where's my toast?"

--- reddit ---

Tags: couple , old people

This Smug Man Told Him To Call His Girlfriend As He Was Cheating With Another Girl. The Hotel Clerk’s Response Is Genius

Okay, so I'm working 11-7, we're full up, and so is everybody else in town. Almost immediately after I get in I get a call from one of our remaining reservations (she'll be GF, for girlfriend).

GF: Hi, I reserved a room for my boyfriend, and I just wanted to see if he'd checked in yet?

(Insert me going through all the rigamarole to check her identity and make sure that she is who she says she is blah blah)

Me: Sorry, but that room hasn't checked in yet.

GF: It's just that he's been driving a long way, and he's not answering my calls, and I'm a little worried.

Me: Well don't worry, our policy is that since the room's booked under your name, we'll have to call you when he checks in anyway.

GF: Oh awesome, thanks!

So several hours later, in comes a man looking to check in under that room--and he has a woman with him, and she is being VERY affectionate (he'll be AH, for A***ole)

AH: Hi, I'd like to check in?The room is under [GF]?

Me: Um, I'll need ID, a card for incidentals, and I'll need to call [GF] to make sure you're allowed in the room.

AH (with a very smug douchey grin): You go ahead and do that.

So like, this guy is gonna have sex with some lady in a room that his girlfriend paid for...and then he wants me to call her while literally, right across the desk, another woman is chewing on his ear???

Like, man, that's a level of douche that's way beyond my paygrade.

But then...then...both of the unfortunate couple plop down their IDs, and I see a way to use hotel policy to implicate the jerk.

Me (calling up GF): Hi, this is the [LordHelpMe Inn], I have a man by the name of [AH] checking in, can I have you confirm the reservation?

GF: Oh yes, thank you! [rattles off the numbers and info blah blah]

So I pick up the IDs and...

Me: And is [Other Woman] allowed in the room?

AH goes stock still, staring at me in disbelief. The woman is still all over him, none the wiser, and I hear GF take a deep breath.

GF: Sorry, what was that?

Me: He's checking in with a woman by the name of [Clueless Babe].

I felt super bad breaking GF's heart like this, but she deserved to know. And credit to her, she kept her cool.

GF: On second thought, neither of them is allowed in the room. At all. It's not too late for that, right?

Me: Absolutely not ma'am, but it is too late for a refund.

GF: That's fine, you can give it away to the next person that walks in, my treat--so long as you do not let him in there.

So I slide both IDs back across the counter, unable to keep myself from grinning like the cat that ate the canary.

Me: It looks like you're not allowed in the room after all. Sorry about that, have a nice night!

She Waited For Him To Explain His Outrageous BeHavior. But Never Expected Him To Say This

A couple were invited to a masked fancy dress party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.

He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good-time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.

His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After more drinks he finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and made passionate love in the back seat.

Just before unmasking midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behavior. She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went in the spare room and played poker all evening.

"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.

To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad, apparently he had the time of his life."

Tags: couple , husband , wife

A Couple Was Stranded When Their Plane Crashed. But He Was Overjoyed When His Wife Said This

An elderly couple was flying to Hawaii for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the captain announces, "Ladies and gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing.

Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach.

However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives."

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later, the husband turns to his wife and asks, "Honey, did we pay the car bill this month?"

"No, sweetheart "she responds.

Sill shaken from the crash landing, he then asks, "Did we pay our credit card bill yet?"

"Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.

"One last thing, did you remember to pay the medical bill for the hospital visit last month?" he asks.

"Oh, forgive me, sweetheart," begged the wife. "I didn't send that one, either."

The husband grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 50 years. She pulls away and asks him,

"What was the hug for?"

The husband answers,"They'll find us!"


Now, who else can relate to that?

Given their intensity, it seems like these pesky bill collectors would seriously go to the extent of sending out a search party to collect an overdue car payment!

This might be the one situation where their persistence could come in handy.

Did this make you laugh? Spread the joy and make someone's day using the buttons below.

Tags: couple , wife , , husband