Customer jokes

This Cashier Has The Best Response After A Customer Gets On The 'Express Lane' With Too Many Items.

Best moment I ever had in a Wal-Mart.

I was in Colorado Springs. I had a loaf of bread, a gallon of milk and a couple of other things.

This woman whose cart was overflowing, almost runs me over to get in front of me at the 10 items line.

The woman starts to unload her cart onto the checkout stand and the cashier says,'Which ten items would you like, ma'am?"

The woman stops and says, "What?"

The cashier responds in a calm, patient tone,

"This is a ten items or less express line."

While speaking she holds up both hands showing all ten fingers. Then she pointed to the sign above the lane which read Ten Items or Less in both English and Spanish.

The woman gets all red in the face and says, "I want all of this!"

The cashier, "Ma'am, I'm sorry. As I said, this is a ten items or less line, please choose the ten items you'd like to purchase today."

The woman at this point lets out this noise that sounds like someone poked one of those screaming goats and shoved her still overflowing cart as hard as she could. It almost hit this little old man sitting on a bench. Then she gave all of us who were laughing at her the finger, said "F*ck you!"and stormed out.

I purchased my items and tipped the cashier a $20 for the best improv comedy moment I'd seen in years.

Tags: cashier , customer

HE STARTED ABUSING THIS WAITRESS OUT OF NOWWHERE. UNTIL ANOTHER CUSTOMER DID THIS.

Customer #1: “Thank God, this line is taking forever.”

(There is no line at all, although the tables are mostly occupied.)

Me: “Sorry about the wait, sir. May I take your order?”

(The customer proceeds to rattle off a long, confusing, and often contradictory order, including such things as a meatless ham sandwich.)

Me: “Sir, I’m a little confused by your order. Do you mean—”

Customer #1: “—oh for God’s sake, I have to repeat myself now? Weren’t you paying attention the first time?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t want to get anything wrong. You made a big order, and—”

Customer #1: *sighs* “I’ll repeat myself, but just this once. I hate dealing with lazy ignorant dropouts like you.”

(He repeats his order, but I understand it even less because I am trying not to cry. He finishes speaking and snaps his fingers at me.)

Customer #1: “Hello?! Punch it in, you dumb b****. I haven’t got all day, and—”

(Suddenly one of the other customers; a strongly-built man who has been quietly sitting at a nearby table, roars and leaps to his feet, flipping the table and spilling his coffee in the process.)

Customer #2: “GOD-D*** IT! ONE DAY OUT OF PRISON, AND ALREADY I HAVE TO MURDER AN IDIOT IN A COFFEE STORE!”

(The rude customer shrieks and flees from the store. I and the remaining customers stare at the man, who quietly picks up the table and comes over to the counter.)

Customer #2: “I’ll pay for any damage. If you could show me where the mops are, I’ll take care of the mess too.”

Me: “I-I-I, um...”

Customer #2: “Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. There’s always gonna be an a** like that around.”

Me: “Uh, you, um...”

Customer #2: “Oh, the prison thing?” *laughs* “Never been in jail in my life. So, anyway, where’s that mop?”

Tags: waitress , customer

Customers Were Upset When This Veteran Received A Discount. But His Reply Was Priceless.

(I work at a clothing department store. We don't offer a discount to our military, but we do have deals going on all the time. I overhear a customer speaking as if he has a military background. He eventually comes up to the counter.)

Me: "Hi, I couldn't help but overhear, but what branch are you?"

Military Customer: "I am in the Marine Corps. I did a tour in Iraq for a while."

Me: "In that case, I can see that you forgot your coupon! That's not a problem; we'll take 30% off for you!"

(The next customer behind him starts yelling.)

Next Customer: "I deserve my 30% off!"

(The next customer begins to yell.)

Next Customer: "You gave that discount to him! Why can't I get the discount?"

(The military customer calmly walks over, and takes off his prosthetic left arm. The next customer's eyes get really large.)

Military Customer: "Don't worry, the 30% discount only costs an arm and a leg; give or take a bit."

(The next customer flees without buying anything. Thank you to all of our military, and especially the ones with great humor!)

The Woman Totally Lost It When The Store She Went To Didn’t Have Door Knobs. You Won’t Believe What Happened When She Left

Customer: "Hi, what kinds of door knobs do you carry?"

Me: "I'm sorry, ma'am, but we don't have any door knobs."

Customer: "What?! WHY NOT?"

Me:"Um...because this is a pool supply store."

Customer: "This is totally unacceptable! I came here to get a new set of door knobs for my garage, and you're telling me that you won't sell me any?"

Me: "Yeah, pretty much."

Customer: "You are so rude! I demand to know the name of the manager! I'm going to complain about this - I hope you liked your job!"

Me: "I do like my job, as a matter of fact. Here you go."

(I hand her my business card, which states that I am the store manager.).

Me: "Just call this number and I'm sure you'll be taken care of."

(The customer grumbles and walks out. She gets into her car and proceeds to call the number on the business card I just handed her.)

Me: "Thank you for calling ****, this is ****, how may I help you?"

Customer: "Yes, I was just in one of your stores, and the employee was incredibly rude to me. He refused to sell me a set of door knobs."

Me: "I'm sorry you feel that way ma'am, but as I just told you when you were in the store, we do not sell door knobs."

Customer:"I WANTTO SPEAKTOTHE MANAGER! NOW!"

Me: "You are, ma'am. I am the store manager."

(The customer screams and hangs up, then speeds away in her car. In the process, she cuts off a police officer, who promptly pulls her over.)

Tags: customer , woman

A Customer Whistled At One Of His Female Employees. What This Boss Did Next Is Gold

At Convenience Store we sell hot dogs and other hot foods. People usually stand there patiently for us to get to them (longest wait time is like twenty seconds, so not even a big deal). Every once in a while though, we get the guy that needs to be helped out right this second even though both workers are currently in a transaction and no, we're not going to just walk away from a customer unless someone is bleeding out on our floor or something.

So there we are, both in a transaction, my boss and I, while female coworker does stuff that needs to be done right then, and it happens. Some guy whistles at her trying to get her to help him. She shrugs it off, annoyed. It's happened before and will happen again. She gets him his precious hot dog, and walks away. The man prepares his hot dog and comes to pay, a line forming behind him.

The boss firmly told me to let him take the register for a moment and go act like I was doing something important. Basically, he wanted the guy to have to come to him. He stared at the guy for a moment before pointing to Coworker and asking "does she look like a b**ch to you?" He then picked the hot dog up, ripped it in two and threw it into the trash can that we have behind the counter, saying "you get the hell out of my store and don't come back until you've learned some respect". And then just stared him down until he walked out.

He lost one customer that day, but won over his work force, and the people waiting in line, each of whom looked him in the eye and nodded while he finished the line up.

Tags: customer , employees , boss

Rich Man On A Date Tried To Take Down This Female Server. But Never Expected This To Happen.

(I work at an upscale, very romantic restaurant. Valentine’s Day is our biggest night of the year, we’re booked solid for weeks in advance. It’s not uncommon for people to propose, so I’m not surprised when I see another waiter putting an engagement ring in a cake. A few moments later I hear the girl shrieking “yes!” and clapping. Another couple flags me down.)

Male Customer: “What’s happening over there?”

Me: “I think it was a proposal.”

Female Customer: “Oh, that is so romantic!”

Male Customer: *frowns at me* “You’d better cancel the champagne, then.”

Me: “Sir?”

Male Customer: *stabs at his plate* “You can forget the champagne and the strawberries. You’ve ruined the surprise now.”

(The female customer and I exchange looks.)

Me: “Sir?”

Male Customer: “You let that guy propose. I can’t propose now. I’ll look like I’m copying him!”

Female Customer: “Propose?!”

Male Customer: “Not anymore. These idiots ruined it! How could you let someone else propose!”

Me: “Sir, I had no idea you were going to propose.”

Male Customer: “Well, how are you going to compensate me for your mistake?”

Me: “Sir?”

Female Customer: “Honey, it’s not her fault.”

Male Customer: “They ruined our evening. This should have been magical. I demand to see the manager!”

(I go and get the manager. The couple are whispering back and forth and don’t look happy. Other customers and giving them anxious glances.)

Manager: “Sir, is there a problem?”

Male Customer: “Yes! You ruined my evening by letting that man propose!”

Manager: “Sir, we are not responsible for guest’s proposals.”

Male Customer: “Yes, you are! You knew I was going to propose and your staff let him do it first! And I can’t propose after him!”

Manager: “Sir, I don’t know what we could have done to prevent this. Our staff cannot tell people not to propose.”

Male Customer: *yelling* “Yes, you can! I reserved a proposal!”

(By now a lot of guests are staring.)

Manager: “Sir, please keep your voice down.”

Male Customer: “No! I will not be treated like this. You ruined my entire evening and now you’re acting like I’m the bad guy!”

Manager: “Sir, if you do not calm down I will ask to you leave.”

(The man begins yelling “ruined!” over and over again, and starts throwing his food on the floor. We end up calling the police to get him out. Throughout all of this his companion silently watches. As the police drag him out, still screaming she opens her purse and puts a wad of cash on the table.)

Female Customer: “That’s for saving me from a terrible marriage. Have a good evening.”

Tags: rich man , customer , man , woman

This Drunk Teen Stumbled Into A Store And Got On Everyone’s Nerves. The Way The Huge Cashier Handled It Was Genius

(I'm standing in line at the counter, when an obviously drunk and under-aged boy wanders in. The cashier behind the counter is onto him like a shot.)

Cashier:"Excuse me there, champ. Have you got some ID on you?"

Drunk teen: "No, I don't. Why?"

Cashier: "I'm going to have to ask you to leave my shop then, champ. Right now, please."

Drunk teen: "What, just because I have no ID?"

Cashier:"Among other things, yes. You can't prove you're 18, and you're clearly drunk, which means you're not legally allowed to be in this store. Please don't be difficult; just leave."

(The drunk teen makes his way to the exit peacefully, but once past the front door decides to act up.)

Drunk teen: "Well, f*** you! F*** you and get f***ed! I'll f***ing be here if I want to f***ing be here!"*flips both middle fingers at the cashier*

(The cashier, who is far taller and broader than he appears while he's behind the counter, moves into the doorway to prevent the teen re-entering.)

Cashier: *very calmly* "No, you won't. Now you're becoming both an annoyance and a disturbance. You'd better get out of here quick smart, before something happens that you'll regret later."

Drunk teen: "F*** you! I'm gonna bash you man! I'm gonna beat your face!"

Cashier: *cracks up laughing*"Champ, I doubt you could even beat yourself off at this point." *takes a step outside the shop* "Please though, take a swing. Give me the excuse."

(At this point it apparently dawns on the teen that's he's in way over his head and his attempt at intimidation has failed miserably. The cashier seems quite willing to make an example of him.)

Drunk teen: "Uh... uh... I'm... I'm gonna hurt you man!"

Cashier: *icily, dangerously calm* "No. You're going to apologise to the customers for annoying them, you're going to apologise to me for annoying me, and then you're going to leave, very quickly, before I put my size 14s so far up your arse your kids are born with tread-marks on their faces, so help me God."

(The drunk teen starts to stammer out something, but is interrupted.)

Cashier: *in a very convincing and menacing voice* "Get the f*** out of here. Now!"

(The teen flees at his top speed, bumping into and tripping over everything in his path. We all give the cashier a huge round of applause, and an elderly couple high-fived him!)

Tags: drunk , teen , cashier , customer

He Was Forced To Deal With A Prejudiced Customer. But Then This Happened

(I'm a cashier at a newly opened gas station. It is the first of its chain in the area. As such, many of the customers are asking questions about the store. Since we're new, I'm trying my best to be extra friendly and helpful to everyone. An old woman approaches me with several items. She looks rather concerned.)

Customer:"So...are you a gas station or a grocery store?"

Me: "Both, ma'am. We're all about convenience."

Customer: "And what sorts of customers come here?"

Me: "Well, we've just opened, ma'am, so its hard to say at this point."

Customer: "I don't want to shop at a store for God-hating homosexuals."

Me: "Come again?"

Customer: "You heard me!"

(I do my best to maintain a neutral stance and begin scanning her items as quickly as possible.)

Me: "Ma'am, by policy we can't turn away customers."

(She gives me a strange look and her eyes widen.)

Customer: "You're one of them aren't you!?"

Me: "Pardon?"

Customer: "You're a f*****!"

Me: "I'm not, actually, but it is my job to serve any customer that comes to my register."

Customer: "I will never come here again! May God have mercy on your sinful soul!"

(I stand there for a few moments absolutely dumbstruck. Meanwhile, two older gentlemen in matching lavender shirts come up to my register and drop a $50 bill in my tip jar while only purchasing a single gallon of milk. One of them grins and looks me in the eye.)

Older gentleman: "Doesn't matter if you're on 'our team'or not. We're coming here every day from now on."

Tags: cashier , customer

Her Coworker Needed Help With a Creep Following Her, but a Customer Was Persistent. You Won’t Believe How It Ended

(I am at one of the garden registers, not actually checking people out, but trying to fix a broken scan gun. As I'm working on it, one of my coworker's calls in through the radio.)

Coworker: "Hey, [My Name]?"

Me: "Yeah?"

Coworker: "Look; I hate to bother you, but I'm up here by myself"

(At this point a customer walks over. I smile at her and mouth that I'm not checking out, but she's on her phone and doesn't seem to be paying attention to me. I assume she's still shopping, since she isn't quite to the register and sort of hovering a few feet back.)

Me: "Okay, so what's up? Are you backed up?"

Coworker: "No, but there's this creepy, old guy around, and he's come up here to flirt with me a few times, and I'm pretty sure he followed me through the store, too. It's making me seriously uncomfortable."

Me: "Oh! Okay, I'll be right back in! No problem."

(I leave the register, and as I make to walk away, the customer on her phone stops me.)

Customer: "Wait! Aren't you going to check me out before you go?"

Me: "Well, actually, ma'am, I'm not checking anyone out, and I have to get back inside."

Customer: "What? For that cashier? Well, why don't you tell her that she needs to put the customer first! The nerve of her, thinking she can just have people—"

(Meanwhile, a man, Customer #2, in line hears the woman.)

Customer #2: "For God's sake, just go in front of me!"

Customer: "What? That's not the point! It's the principle of it!"

Customer #2: "The principle of it? Are you seriously telling me that you are more concerned with spending five extra minutes in line than you are a young woman being harassed by some strange man?"

Customer: "Well, I'm sure she did something to make him do that!"

Customer #2: *to me* "Go help your cashier. I'll take care of this."

Customer: "Take care of it? Who do you think you are? You know what? I am never shopping here again! And I'm calling corporate!"

Customer #2: "Good to know. I'm sure you've made everyone's day. And by the way? I'm the owner. Have fun calling corporate."

Tags: coworker , customer

Customer Was So Angry At Her That She Tried To Stick Gum In Her Hair. But Her Dad All Of A Sudden Came In And Did This

My father is a CPA who runs a small shop in the front of the office for extra income. He has no employees for the shop other then my sister and me when we were younger.

So it was my birthday and my dad was gong to take me to lunch. As we were getting ready to head out a tax client came by and needed his taxes done "now". I know this won't take more then a hour so, I say no problem I will just run the shop to stay out of the way and we will get lunch after he is done. Now the fun part I am in the front reading a book when in walks a customer. I put the book down and ask if I can help with anything. Lady brushes me off so I go back to my novel. When she is done she comes to the front and I start ringing her purchases. She also wants two money orders for $500 each so I ring them in and give her her total. She pulls out a checkbook and asks for a pen, I inform her that money orders are cash only and give her the pen and her total for her items minus the money orders and the fees associated with them.

She looks at me like she just realized I was the shit she stepped in on the way to work, and says "you're new here, but the owner lets me write checks for money orders and gives me a 15% discount on all purchases." I say that's fine, she is more then welcome to come back when the owner is working. She instantly loses her shit and starts berating me, my looks, and anything she thinks I might like. I just sat there thinking, no good deed. When she realized I wasn't reacting she started throwing the packets of gum next to to register at me.

So my dad hears the commotion and sticks his head out the door that connects the back offices to the front and sees this women throwing gum at me while I am dodging them, laughing and telling her to calm down. Now when I said my dad is a CPA you probably envisioned a small balding man wearing a bad suit, change that image to a large hairy biker, that loves math, now you have a better idea of what he looks like. He quite calmly asks "my name, is there a problem?". Hearing the owner this woman turns mid throw and says "the only problem here is that this bitch you hired won't do her job!!!" That is when I got the best present a retail worker could ask for, my dad responds "That bitch is my daughter, and it's her birthday. Get the f**k out of my store and if I ever see you again here or even out on the street I am going to show you exactly how mad I am right now, run!" And she did she dropped every thing is her hands and hightailed it out of the store. My dad canceled the rest of his appointment which the client readily agreed to, and we went for a wonderful lunch.

Tags: customer , woman , dad