Engineer jokes

How difference between Engineer vs Manager. This is Gold

A man is flying in a hot-air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man below. He lowers the balloon farther and shouts, "Excuse me! Can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot-air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."

The man below says, "You must be in management."

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

Tags: engineer , manager

An engineer, physicist, and mathematician have been imprisoned. This Happened

At some point, the warden realizes that the three men haven't been fed in a while. He accompanies an officer to check up on them. The warden and officer arrive at the first cell that contained the engineer. To their astonishment, the cell was empty and the wall had a hole in it.

"How is that possible?" said the officer. "That wall was solid concrete!"

The warden quietly inspected the cell. After a few minutes, he exited and said, "He seems to have built a pick out of the eating utensils we gave him and used it to make the hole."

The warden and officer continued to the next cell that contained the physicist. However, he too was gone and once again there was a hole in the wall. And of course, the warden inspected the cell and returned after a few minutes.

The warden declared, "According to the papers on his bed, he very carefully calculated the weakest point on the wall and repeatedly hit it with a rock until it broke open."

Finally, they arrived at the last cell that contained the mathematician. Unfortunately, he lay dead on the cell floor from starvation. The officer sighed. "After the other two, I would have expected he would have also escaped. He also has some papers on his bed." The warden entered the cell and picked up the papers. Then he shook his head and chuckled.

"It appears," the warden said, "that he spent several days writing a very detailed proof that it was possible to break the wall.

An Engineer Dies And Is Sent To Hell. Then This Happens

He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it.

Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he un-jams it. People can get from place to place more easily.

The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels.

One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks.

He asks the Devil what's up?

The Devil says, "Things are great down here since you sent us an engineer."

"What?" says God.

"An engineer? I didn't send you one of those. That must have been a mistake. Send him upstairs immediately."

The Devil responds, "No way. We want to keep our engineer. We like him."

God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!"

The Devil laughs. "Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

Tags: engineer , devil , God , laywer

A Doctor, A priest And An Engineer Go Golfing And This Happens

After only a few rounds, they get caught behind the worst group of golfers they've ever seen. After growing impatient from waiting for them to finish their holes, they go into the clubhouse to complain.

"Let me explain," says the manager. "You see, those men all used to be firefighters, some of the best our city has ever seen. There was a fire here at the clubhouse about five years ago. Those heroic men saved our clubhouse from the fire. However, most unfortunately, they all lost their sight in the terrible fire. Since then, they are welcome to use our facilities for life; it's the very least we could do."

The priest, looks forlorn and says, "I'm so sorry to hear it! I will hold a prayer service this Sunday dedicated to these men."

The doctor says, "what an awful thing! I know a highly-regarded optometrist who has done some research that might be able to help them, I'll arrange for them to meet as soon as I can!"

The engineer thinks for a moment and says, "why can't they golf at night?"

Tags: doctor , priest , engineer , man

An Engineer Quit His Job And Decided To Open A Clinic. A Doctor Walked Into The Clinic And Never Expected This

An engineer quit his job and decided to open a clinic

He hung a sign saying," I will cure your illness for $500 otherwise, if I fail to cure it, I will pay you $1500."

A doctor was curious and assumed that he could easily exploit this, so he walked into the clinic and told the engineer,“ I have lost my taste."

Upon hearing this, the engineer told his assistant to get a tablespoon of kerosene and give it to the doctor. When he tasted the kerosene, the doctor spat it out and exclaimed," That was terrible!"

The engineer smirked and replied," That would be $500." The doctor paid and left grumbling

Still determined, the doctor went back to the clinic and told the engineer this time," I have lost my memory!"

The engineer told his assistant to give the doctor another tablespoon of kerosene. When the doctor heard it, he immediately stopped the assistant.

The engineer, once again, laughed and told the doctor," That would be $500." The doctor paid and left

Even more determined, the doctor marched into the clinic and told the engineer," I have lost my vision." The engineer thought for a moment and sighed and replied, " I do not have a cure for that, I will write you the check for $1500." So, he goes off and begins to write a check.

The doctor smirked and waited for the engineer. When the engineer came back, he handed the doctor the check and left.

"WAIT! This check only has $200, are you trying to cheat me?" the doctor exclaimed. But at that moment, the doctor realised his fault.

"That would be another $500, thank you." the engineer replied, laughing.

Tags: doctor , engineer , man

This Engineer Is Shocked When Sent To The Wrong Neighborhood. What Followed Is Priceless

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer — you're in the wrong place."

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake — he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

Tags: engineer , man , God , Satan

Four Engineers Get Into A Car.The Car Won't Start. What Happens Is Hilarious

The Mechanical engineer says:

"It's a broken starter".

The Electrical engineer says:

"Dead battery".

The Chemical engineer says:

"Impurities in the gasoline".

The IT engineer says:

"Hey guys, I have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in".

Tags: man , engineers , clean

Engineers in a broken car

Four engineers get in a car. The car won't start.

The Mechanical Engineer says:

"It's a broken starter".

The Electrical engineer says:

"Dead battery".

The Chemical engineer says:

"Impurities in the gasoline”.

The IT engineer says:

"Hey guys, I have an idea. How about we all get out of the car and get back in".