The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"
A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"
After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world- wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."
So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream... "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
She was thrilled at the speed.
"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.
"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.
And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over.
The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.
"Go and get help!" he cried.
"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"
"Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."
Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's gone in too far.".
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?"as he smiled smugly.
"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps.
Why do you suppose that is?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says,"Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know crap?"
And then she went back to reading her book.
The Basketball Coach Was Baffled When A Teen Girl Told Him She Loved Him In Front Of Her Huge Dad. But Then This Happened
I coach youth basketball, both boys and girls. I've only had a couple girls develop a crush, but one in stood out. She was by far the best player on the team, and she knew it. She would always show up early to practice, volunteer to lead off all the drills, and stay late to get some extra work in. Just a coach's dream really. I first noticed she had a crush when I was the only coach she gave a Valentine's Day card too. It was harmless and cute until I took her out of a game once to get some other kids playing time and she stomped over to the bench, sat down and started crying.
When I asked her what was wrong she yelled, "I thought we were in love, why did you take me out!" Luckily for me I was in a small gym and everyone could hear her, including her terrifyingly large dad. I mean this guy was massive, he never really played basketball but he was a defensive lineman for a D1 school. I'm a fairly tall guy, but this guy was just massive in every sense of the word. After the game he came up to me stone faced, got right up into my face, and asked if there was anything he should know about. Before I could stammer out an answer he just started laughing and told me he would talk to his daughter about the difference between a crush and love. I'm glad he thought it was funny because I got really scared.
A Brunette, A red-head And A Blonde Were In Jail When They Decided To Break Out. What Happened Next Is Hilarious
A brunette, a red-head and a blonde were in jail when they decided to break out. The girls broke out and the brunette said, "Let's hide in that barn, they'll never find us."
So they climed up the ladder and then the blonde threw it down.
The next morning, the cops said, "Come out with your hands in the air!"
The red-head said, "Hide in those baskets, they'll never find us!"
So the Brunette got in the first one, the red-head got in the second one and the blonde got in the third one. Meanwhile, the cops were getting a ladder set up and trying to get up there. Once they got up, the seargent ordered them to kick the baskets.
So the cop kicked the first one: "RUFF."
"It's just a damn dog!" yelled the cop.
The cop kicked the next one: "MEOW."
"It's just a damn cat," yelled the cop.
The cop kicked the next basket and the blonde yelled, "POTATOES!"
She Was Shocked To See This Subtle Racism Towards An Asian Girl In A Park. But Her Comeback Is Priceless.
I always go to the park on weekends to read a book out in the sun. It's nice when it's sunny outside in the Spring and Summer, so I tend to do just that.
I'm just sitting here at the park and there's a group of little girls near me. They decided to play 'Disney Princesses'and this one girl who probably thinks she's the 'leader' was assigning each one a character. Clearly she was choosing them based on looks, as a brunette she was Snow White, the 2 blonde ones got to be Cinderella and Elsa...
So when she got to this little Asian girl she obviously chose Mulan. So the Asian girl is like "Why am I Mulan? She's not a princess". The leader says in a nasty tone "Yeah but you have small eyes like her".
The Asian girl went quiet for a few seconds but then proceeded with the straightestface ever: "Then I think you should be one of Cinderella's sisters".
The leader tilts her head and goes "Why?", so my little heroine goes "because you're ugly like them"
Everyone Was Disgusted By What These Girls Were Trying To Do During The Movie. But Then A Little Boy Said This.
I bought my 6-year old son to watch Ice Age 4.
When were inside the movie theatre, there were these three really annoying teenage girls who kept on spoiling each scene before it even happens.
And they were beside us.
As everyone tried to keep their calm and not fight the three girls, my son randomly told me something:
“Hey daddy”, he asked. “Yup?”, I answered.
“Ms. Miller (his preschool teacher), taught us respect today.”
“That’s good!”, I answered back softly. “Daddy...”, he asked again.
“Does everyone go to preschool?” he suspiciously asked.
“Usually...Why?”, I answered.
“Because, why can’t the girls beside us show respect?”
I froze when I heard him say this.
Everyone in the theatre started clapping for my son. I have never been so proud of him.
Popular Girls Of Her College Pushed Her In A Puddle Of Mud And Laughed. What Followed Left Them Speechless
My teenage years were some of the worst times of my life. I wasn't popular, and all the other kids knew it. The popular girls especially thought to pick on me because they knew no one would care about me or what they did.
So this one time in grade 8 I was walking home, and some of the popular girls came up to me and pushed me into a puddle and told me to go have sex with my "boyfriend."
And this girl says, "wait, guys! She doesn't even have one." And then they all laughed in the meanest way possible until the most popular guy in school came up to me, helped me out of the puddle, and said, "Wait! Did we break up? I sure hope not." And then he kissed me and I had no clue what he was doing, but yeah.
We just got married.
At the end of their first date, a young man takes his favorite girl home. Emboldened by the night, he decides to try for that important first kiss.
With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Darling, how 'bout a goodnight kiss?"
Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
"Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"
"No way. It's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I like you so much!!"
"No, no, and no. I like you too, but I just can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?"
"NO, no. I just can't."
Out of the blue, the porch light goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled. In a sleepy voice the sister says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for crying out loud tell him to take his hand off the intercom button!"