A teacher decides to let students out early if they can name the origin of a famous quote. She Never Expects This
Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Again, before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says in frustration, "I wish these dumb bitches would keep their fucking mouths shut!"
The teacher turns around and she is livid: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?!?!"
Johnny: "Harvey Weinstein. Can I go now, Miss?"
A teacher asks the class to name things that ends with Tor and that eats things
First boy: Alligator
Teacher: Very Good that's a big word Second boy : Predator
Teacher: Yes, That's another big word.Well done
Little Johnny: Vibrator.
After nearly falling off her chair
Teacher: That is a big word,but it doesn't eat anything
Johnny: well my aunt has one and she says it eats f***ing batteries like there's no tomorrow!!!
A young boy says to his father "Dad, our math teacher is asking to see you."
"What happened?" The father asks.
"Well, she asks me, 'how much is 7 * 9?' I answer '63' , then she asks, 'and 9 * 7?' so I asked 'what's the fucking difference?' "
"Indeed, what is the difference?" asks the father. ''Sure, I'll go.''
The next day, the boy comes home from school "Dad, have you gone by the school?" He asks.
"Well when you do, come and see the gym teacher also."
"Why?" asks the father.
The boy explains, "Well we had a gym class today, and he asked me to raise my left arm, I did. Then my right arm, I also raised it. Then he asked me to lift my right leg, so I did. 'Now,' he says, 'lift your left leg,' so I asked 'What, am I suppose to stand on my cock!?'"
"Exactly," says the father. "Alright, I'll come."
The next day, the boy asks his father "Did you go to the school?"
"No, not yet."
"Don't bother, I got expelled."
Surprised, the father asks "Why did you get expelled?"
"Well, they summoned me to the principal's office, and sitting there were the math teacher, the gym teacher, and the art teacher."
"The fuck was the art teacher doing there!?" asks the father.
"That's what I said" replied the boy.
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the world do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a cat!"
Little Johnny was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything: tutors, they tried everything they could think of. Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Johnny down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.
After the first day, little Johnny came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Johnny was hard at work.
His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he was done he marched back to his room without a word and in no time he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.
Finally, little Johnny brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table and went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her surprise.... little Johnny got an A in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said: "Son, whaaaat was it????
Was it the nuns??" Little Johnny looked at her and shook his head, "no." "Well, then", she replied, "was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms???? WHHHHAAAATTTT was it????" Little Johnny looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around."
She Was Asked Why Does She Drink After Checking Students' Test Papers. What She Showed Them Next Is Hysterical.
Why Teachers Drink?
The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination. These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds):
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt,pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q. How is dew formed.
A.The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.
Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important.Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q. What are steroids
A.Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs ..
(Shoot yourself now, there is little hope)
Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (So true)
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow.(Simple, but brilliant)
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g.The abdomen)
A.The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.
The brainium contains the brain,the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,l,0,U
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
(That would work)
Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.(lrrefutable)
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight.(brilliant)
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once an Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head.
A little boy named Johnny was at the supermarket with his mom and they were browsing the toy section. She always brought him there, despite knowing that he would ask for something.
"Hey, Mom," asked Little Johnny, "Can you give me twenty dollars?"
"Certainly not," she said.
"If you do," he went on, "I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop."
His mother's ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money.
"Well? What did he say?"
He said, "Hey, Marie, make sure you wash my socks tomorrow."