Manager jokes

How difference between Engineer vs Manager. This is Gold

A man is flying in a hot-air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man below. He lowers the balloon farther and shouts, "Excuse me! Can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot-air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."

The man below says, "You must be in management."

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

Tags: engineer , manager

His Manager Fired Him For Making More Sales Than Her Own Friends. But What Followed Is Hilarious

Worked at a retail store for luggage were it was base pay, plus commission. The other two sales people were too lazy. They made almost no sales, didn't interact with the customers, and basically leaned against the counter sipping coffee and being fake friends with the manager lady. My first week there, I made more commission than they did in an average month.

Manager lady was not nice either. Kept cutting my hours. Said I was making her look bad by making so many sales. Gave me all the worst jobs like taking out the trash every goddamn day (because i was the only male and was stronger, she said), cleaning the bathrooms twice a day, cutting into my sales, reassigning my sales to other people, "so it looked more even", she said, etc. I lasted 3 months before the fake friends talked enough shit about "he is stealing our sales" that the manager fired me.

3 months later, I'm working with a company that is flipping houses. We get a call from a landlord about a house they wanted to sell because the tenants weren't paying and being a landlord was more of a pain than he thought. When we get there, guess who was the tenant? Yeah, the same manager lady that fired me. I straight bought her house for cash and evicted her.

Tags: karma , man , woman , manager

Her Manager Would Always Treat Her Like She Was Beneath Him. What A Huge Biker Dude Did To Him Changed Him Forever

When I was a teenager, I worked for a big chain grocery store as a bagger, in the great state of Texas. I was 15 at the time. My managers name... let's call him Jim. Jim was a very harsh on us. He treated us poorly, like we were beneath him; we never bagged quickly enough, or returned from customers' cars fast enough, he claimed. He was the type of manager you hate to have.

On this particular day, we had a 'severe thunderstorm', as we call them here in Texas. Basically, a torrential downpour with loads of lightning strikes and amazingly loud thunderclaps. It was raining so hard, my jacket was even soaked through, even though I was wearing a poncho over it (which I had to pay for). It was winter. It was quite cold out. I was shivering, teeth chattering. This big, built guy, dressed like your typical biker comes through the lane I'm bagging for. He's around 6'4", probably over 225. When I finish bagging his things, I ask if he'd like help out to his car:

Bikerdude: Are you kidding me?! Look at you! You're already soaked! You must be freezing. They're gonna make you go back out in this crap?!

Me: Well, yeah, I guess so...

Bikerdude: Where's your manager? Is it that little nerd with the clipboard over there? The dry one in that stupid vest?

Me through laughter: Yeah, that's Jim.

Bikerdude: HEY, JIM!

Bikerdude then storms over to where Jim is standing.

Bikerdude: Hey there JIM! Look at this kid. She's soaked to the bone and cold! Why are you making these kids go out in this mess?

Jim: ...hello... Um... Sir? Well, to help our customers...

Bikerdude: Well how 'bout you think of your employees for a quick second? Let them stay inside and warm up, dry off. C'mon man, be reasonable. This young woman was practically drenched when she got to me and I couldn't help but notice her shivering in the rain. I gave her my jacket just so she wouldn't catch a cold.

Jim: Well, sir, our customers need help out to their cars and...

Bikerdude: You know what, you're right! They do!

I need help to my car. And I want YOU to help me out there, Jim.

Jim: Uhhhhh... I have to uhhhhh stay and watch over the...

Bikerdude: What’s that saying? 'The customer is always right?' You're helping me out to my car, Jim.

By this time, everyone was watching as Jim and Bikerdude strolled out with his basket. I went outside and stood under the covered entrance area to watch Jim get his; Bikerdude was in a truck, which was parked in the verrrrry back of the parking lot. By the time Jim got back, he was just as soaked as I was. I acted like I was collecting carts, and took Jim's from him; he had a horribly sour look on his face, which I, of course, enjoyed thoroughly. Bikerdude pulled by in his truck and waved me over and handed me a $20. He told me to go take a break and dry off with a hot meal and said he'd return for the jacket in a couple days; I said thanks and went back inside and asked Jim for a break. He begrudgingly told me to take as long of a break as I needed to dry off.

From that day on, Jim was always a lot nicer to us employees. He'd never tell us to go out in the rain and would often provide us with umbrellas if we decided to do so ourselves. He stopped being such a hard-ass and even became a little likeable.

To this day, I wonder what Bikerdude said to him to change his ways.

Tags: dude , biker , woman , manager

Man Throws His Food At The Cashier And Says A Woman Can Never Be A Manager. How He Got Taken Down Is Priceless

(Note: In this case, the cashier has made an error and given the customer the wrong item. However, it doesn't justify what transpires next...)

Customer:"I did NOT order this salad, you stupid bimbo!"

(The customer throws the salad right at the cashier.)

Cashier: "Hey!"

Customer:"I did NOT order a f***ing salad!"

Cashier: "Oh, I'm so sorry. That was my mistake."

Customer: "I want my entire order free!"

Cashier: "I'm sorry, sir, but it does not work that way. I sincerely apologize for the error."

Customer:"I want my food free!"

(The customer throws the rest of his food at the cashier, hitting another cashier who has stepped over to help wipe the mess. The manager, who has seen everything happen, speaks up.)

Manager: "Sir, you do not do that to my employees. I'm going to have to ask you to pay not just for your order, but the salad that you have now ruined."

Customer: "Who are you, and what gives you the right to demand that?!"

Manager:"I am the manager."

Customer: "No, you're not. You're a woman!"

Manager:"I assure you, I am.This is my name tag."

(The manager presents her name tag, which says "Robin.")

Customer: "You stole that off your real manager, a man! Females spell it R-O-B-Y-N!"

Manager: "I'm sorry if it's confusing, but I am the manager, and that is how my name is spelled. Nevertheless, I'm going to ask you to pay for the food you threw and apologize."

Customer: "I want my food free! That's it!"

(Suddenly, a short but very muscular woman shows up and drags the customer from the counter to a wall. She is a customer who has also been watching the commotion.)

Woman: *to the customer* "You, pay up, or you'll have ME to deal with!"

Customer: "Um, okay! Okay!"*pays and leaves immediately*

(The woman who saved the day? She got a free meal!)

Tags: man , customer , manager , bastard

This Customer Kicked A Partially Deaf Employee Because She Couldn't Listen To Her. But Didn't Expect This From The Manager.

(One of my coworkers has partial hearing loss in her right ear, and has a medical condition that has caused her to lose almost all of her peripheral vision in her right eye. On this day, she's putting away a cartload of items and just happens to be working directly under a speaker. A customer approaches her from the right, and speaks very, very softly.)

Customer: *very softly* "Excuse me; where are your bedsheets?"

Coworker: *doesn't hear her and keeps working*

Customer: "Excuse me? EXCUSE ME?!"

(Suddenly, the customer KICKS my coworker in the hip. The kick is so hard that my coworker has to catch herself so she doesn't fall over.)

Customer: "How DARE you ignore me?!"

Coworker: "I'm terribly sorry, ma'am! I didn't see you."

Customer: "Bulls***! I was standing right here! Everyone has peripheral vision!"

Coworker: "Except for people with vision problems, ma'am. Can I help you?"

Customer: "Then you should've heard me!"

Coworker:"I also have partial hearing loss, and that.. "*points up at the ceiling*" a speaker."

Customer: "Well, you should be checking every direction for customers every five seconds!"

Coworker: "Ma'am, is there something I can help you with? I don't actually work on the sales floor; I work in the stock room, and I have to get back..."

(My coworker ends up helping the customer and taking her to the bedsheets section. However, later I hear the customer complaining to my manager.)

Customer: "...and she just ignored me! And then she kicked me and called me a b****!"

Manager: "I'm so, so so sorry! I've never seen her act like that."

Me: "...Sir?"

Manager:"Not now."

Me: "But I witnessed the incident."

Customer: *goes pale*"I didn't see you anywhere nearby!"

Me: "I was ten feet away, in the clothing racks. Ma'am, YOU kicked HER when you thought she was ignoring you and yelled at her."

Manager: *lightbulb goes on*"She was on [Coworker]'s right, wasn't she?"

Me: "Yes, sir."

Manager: *to the customer* "Well, ma'am, under these circumstances I can't give you any discounts, nor will I. I'm not giving you anything for free, and I'm going to call corporate myself to tell them what happened. I've got video cameras and an employee witness. You assaulted one of my associates. Get out of my store!"

(The customer did try to call corporate. When they hung up on her, she called the cops, who reviewed the tape and nearly arrested her!)

Tags: customer , woman , manager