Mother jokes

A Man Approaches A Mother In The Grocery Store. But He Didn't Expect This Response

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, "No." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Monica, we just have half of the aisles left to go through - don't be upset. It won't be long now."

Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn't have any, she began to cry.The mother said, "There, there, Monica, don't cry - only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."

When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there'd be no gum purchased. The mother said serenely, "Monica, we'll be through this check out stand in 5 minutes and then you can go home and have a nice nap."

The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. "I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Monica," he began.

The mother replied, "I'm Monica - my little girl's name is Tammy."

Tags: girl , mother , man

Man In Line At Burger King Decides To Teach Annoying Kid And His Mother A Lesson In Manners.

Everyone has experienced an unruly child in a public place, but one man was so fed up by a child whining nearby that he took matters into his own hands to get revenge.

The man, who shared his story on Reddit, said he was in a long line at Burger King when a mother and child got in line behind him. The child, he said, was acting up from the moment he arrived at the fast food chain.

"This kid was out of control, screaming, punching his mother throwing around a gameboy whenever something didn't go right in the game," Redditor THR111 wrote."The mother didn't seem to pay any attention to him and his continued yelling of' I want a f***ing PIE'. After about 5 minutes of the line with these people behind me, I had gone from a headache to a full on migraine..."

The man explained that he tried to get the mother to take her child out of the line, but she didn't respond well.

"I calmly turn and ask her nicely if she can please calm or quiet her child down. Immediately she gets up in my face telling me I can't tell her nothing about raising her child and to mind my own business. I nod and turn around, she's still yelling at the back of my head when the child cries out again how he wants a pie, the mother consoles him, calling him sweety and ensuring they'll get pies for lunch because she loves him so much."

The complaining continued for several minutes until the man got to the front of the line. Realizing he couldn't just let the obnoxious child off the hook, he did something that would ensure he'd learn his lesson.

"All I can think of is how the people behind me ruined my splurge and gave me this headache. I then decide to ruin their day. I order every pie they have left in addition to my burgers. Turned out to be 23 pies in total, I take my order and walk towards the exit," he wrote.

"Moments later I hear the woman yelling, what do you mean you don't have any pies left, who bought them all? I turn around and see the cashier pointing me out with the woman shooting me a death glare. I stand there and pull out a pie and slowly start eating eat as I stare back at her. She starts running towards me but can't get to me because of other lineups in the food court. I turn and slowly walk away."

Tags: man , kid , mom , mother , woman

This Old Man Had The Best Response After A Young Child Embarrassed His Mother.

My three-year-oId son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.

While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course, I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Matty had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him and he said, "No."

I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident and I didn't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Matty, are you sure you did not have an accident?"

"No," he replied.

I just knew that he must have, because the smell was getting worse. Sooooo... I asked one more time, "Matty, did you have an accident?"

Matt jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE,

MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!!"

While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened. I was mortified!

Some kind people made me feel a lot better, when they came over and thanked me for the best laugh they had ever had!!!

Another old gentleman stopped us in the parking lot as we were leaving, bent over to my son and said, "Don't worry son, my wife accuses me of the same thing all the time... I just never had the nerve to make the point like you did."

Tags: old man , kids , mother , son

This Kid's Mom Couldn't Care Less When The Teacher Complained About Him Cussing In Class. The Teacher's Comeback Is Genius.

My friend's mom used to teach 8th Grade English in the local public school system. One day a student cussed her out, so she called his mom. The mom didn't do anything about it so the kid did it again a few days later.

The mom was called again and still she couldn't care less. A few days later the boy cussed her out again, but this time the teacher called his grandmother.

She immediately came to the school, dragged him by the hair to the bathroom, washed his mouth out with soap, and beat his behind.

Grandma then said if he does it again then she should call her. That boy never said another swear word in that teacher's presence again.

Mother-In-Law Was Shocked When She Enters Her Son's House And Sees This. Woah.

Mother-In-Law Was Shocked When She Enters Her Son's House And Sees This. Woah.

A woman stops by, unannounced, at her son's house. She knocks on the door then immediately walks in.

She is shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music is playing, candles are lit, and the aroma of perfume fills the room.

"What are you doing?!" she asks.

"I'm waiting for Jeff to come home from work," the daughter-in-law explains.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaims.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law anwers.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Jeff loves me and wants me to wear this dress. It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and can't get enough of me!"

The mother-in-law leaves, inspired by what she has learned.

When the mother-in-law gets home, she undresses, showers, puts on her best perfume, dims the lights, puts on a romantic CD, and lays on the couch, expectantly awaiting her husband. Finally, her husband comes home. He walks in and sees her lying there provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"This is my love dress," she whispers sensually.

"Needs ironing," he says. "What's for dinner?

He never heard the gunshot.

This Child Wanted To Know How Old His Mother Was When He Was Born. Her Son’s Next Words Left Her In Tears

My friend Debbie's two daughters were in high school when she experienced severe flu-like symptoms. Debbie visited her family doctor, who told her the flu bug had passed her by. Instead, she had been touched by the "love bug" and was now pregnant.

The birth of Tommy, a healthy, beautiful son, was an event for celebration, and as time went by, it seemed as though every day brought another reason to celebrate the gift of Tommy's life. He was sweet, thoughtful, fun-loving and a joy to be around.

One day when Tommy was about five years old, he and Debbie were driving to the neighborhood mall. As is the way with children, out of nowhere, Tommy asked, "Mom, how old were you when I was born?"

"Thirty-six, Tommy. Why?" Debbie asked, wondering what his little mind was contemplating.

"What a shame!" Tommy responded.

"What do you mean?" Debbie inquired, more than a little puzzled. Looking at her with love-filled eyes, Tommy said, "Just think of all those years we didn't know each other."

Tags: child , son , mom , mother

This Housewife Called Her Mother To Share Her Dire Situation. Then This Happened

A worried Mrs. Melchnik sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear.

"How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?"

"Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight."

The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly.

Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once."

"George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?"

"Why, George! Your husband! ....Is this 555-1374?

"No, this is 555-1375."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number."

There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?"

Tags: housewife , mom , mother

He Visited His Future Mother-In-Law For The Weekend. She Was Stunned When He Did This To Her House.

We drove 6 hours to visit her Mom and grandmother in a dilapidated little farm house. Her mother is the main caretaker, they don't have the money for hospice because one of the children stole it all. No one has been there to upkeep the house since the grandfather died and it is falling apart.

Grandma has a dog that is unnaturally attached to her, she got pneumonia months back and the dog chewed its way through the door to the garage so it could be next to her. It had continued chewing it up. I hung a new door.

The sink was spraying water out of the base of the faucet, arcing up 2 feet. I replaced that and bleached the shit out of the undersink.

Her toilet was shooting water out the back, hornets had been getting in to the house over the summer and her Mom is allergic. I patched siding on the roof and pumped 4 cans of spray foam along the gaps.

We cleaned the weird stuff growing on the bottom of the fridge.

I've seen loved ones fall to dementia and cancer. It scares me. I had no idea how to act in front of her grandmother, she was asleep the first day we were there and in/out the second. I would have fixed more, but I didn't want to scare her with loud banging.

When we left I was giving my gf a hard time, telling her mom she jived me all the time and she needs to teach her some respect(this sounds horrible in hindsight, but was funny at the time).

Her grandmother started laughing and said 'ohhhh noo!!'

That right there made the 12 hour round trip, driving 2 hours to get a part for the sink, sleeping on an air mattress, my daughter puking in the car twice, and the horrible rural water shits made it all worth it.

Making that woman laugh filled me with something I can't describe.

Young Boy Has The Perfect Response For His Grandmother.

An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws. "You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fellow.

Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head. His grandmother knelt down next to him. "I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles," she said, while tracing her finger across the child's cheek."Freckles are beautiful."

The boy looked up, "Really?"

"Of course,"said the grandmother."Why just name me one thing that's prettier than freckles."

The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles."

Tags: kids , boy , grandmother

This Man's Mother Would Reject Every Woman He Wanted To Marry. So He Did This

Thomas is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Thomas replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Thomas answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?" Thomas replied, "My father doesn't like her."

Tags: Mother , mom , single , marriage