Colonel: Yesterday our customer database was tampered with. The last name of every customer was changed to "pwnz0red"...Syslogs show the penetration occurred in spite of the 'firewall' system, here. Our Cloud Computing provider claims that this was not thier fault, it was a ... flaw in one of our hosted applications.They say that our code is 'sauerkraut'

Hitler: None of this should be a problem. They passed their PCI Audit and have Antivirus.

Colonel: Mein Führer...the SLA...The SLA says that they take no responsibility because Our SS-skriptstaffeIn used PHP... they said it is our IT department's fault.

Hitler: 'Project Leaders' Meeting: Keitel, Jodl, Krebs and Burgdorf...

Hitler: I asked you if it was SECURE! You told me we could save a lot of money but I asked It, It was SECURE! You said 'even Mussolini is going to the cloud with his MP3 collection'. But: Our Data is important!

Hitler: 'Risk Assessment'...Your 'Risk Assessment' is toilet paper! Your 'Compensating Controls' couldn't even stop Stalin's script kiddies! 'Threat time likelihood times number of attacks equals RISK!'. You said there was a '.4 risks'!! What does that even mean?!

Colonel: Mein Führer - they said they were 'OWASP compatible'

Hitler: My data has been posted from Moscow to Chicago and you talk about standards?!

Colonel: Mein Führer - Standards are important.

Hitler: NO! Security outcome are what is important! What good is your Risk Assessment now? We're "pwnz0red"!!

Hitler: I wanted a WAF. I wanted Identify 2.0 ... a site without SQL injection or XSS... is an 'implementation detail!' You n00b!

Hitler: So how will our cloud service provider... be able to help us now? What is the plan? Maybe we should just outsource fixing this problem to another cloud service?

Maybe another 'RISK ASSESSMENT'? Your SLA is as worthless as your MCSE! Do you know what I should do now? I ought to outsource this to Stalin!!

Hitler: It always looks cheaper until you have ..."unexpected costs" like this...'costs' - like the defeat of our Reich! You n00bs... You fell for a bunch of marketing and slick glossies from some trade-show booth bimbo! You outsourced all our data to a Cloud Computing provider... that hosts in Leningrad? You are GENERALS of The 3rd Reich and you fell for marketing! Like some gen-X idots with venture capital to burn! You said their 'Firewall + SSL' were better than our enigma coding machine!

*whisper* It's OK. He doesn't know you are an MCSE.

Hitler: The world used to tremble in awe of our National Socialist coding skills...now we are just another Cloud Computing entry for 'failblog'. This sucks. Cloud computing killed The Reich. I wish we had kept the mainframe. Goering and I used code in COBOL.....We were good programmers, once. I could be coding this 'Web2.0' stuff in a weekend. I have to go update my Facebook page...

*whisper* Let's not tell him we scheduled him to do a 'webinar' tomorow...

Video Hitler learns a painful lesson about Cloud Computing Security